3 Reasons Self-Love is so Difficult
Why is loving myself such a problem? More and more, we are encouraged to love ourselves. That sounds fine, but we live in a world that has a limited understanding of what love really is, so self-love too is misunderstood. So many people now believe that “love hurts” so we have to understand self-love to help ourselves, not hurt ourselves, in case we get disillusioned with our own love. There are three main problems with the idea of self-love. These, if they get in the way, make true self-love harder to achieve.
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Value clashes in our society
Stop the world I want to get off! I don’t want all this conflict! I don’t want all these value clashes! How do I handle it?
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Value clashes in the workplace
Just because we work together doesn’t mean we have to like each other. It sure would be nice though; a clash of values gets in the way.
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Value clashes with the in-laws
Now that we’re together, how do we handle your parents’ values, my parents’ values, and what we want to value?
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Value clashes in adult siblings
Look, I love you sis, you’re my big sister, but I want to live my life my way. Can’t we still get on?
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Value clashes in friendships
I thought you were my friend until ... we got to know each other better and our values clashed. But I don’t want to lose our friendship. Help.
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Value clashes between young adults and their parents
I’m an adult and free of my parents’ values, right? But I still want to get on with them. Help.
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Value clashes in personal relationships
Sure I love you, but why is living together so difficult? Why do our values clash? I want to handle it to move past this! (Me too.)
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Value clashes! … what do you mean??
We hate conflict, yet our values clash. What’s the best way to negotiate it? In this, the first in a series of eight posts exploring value clashes, we begin to understand values and to work through the clashes with our fellow humans.
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OK Addictions (Part D): Delay gratification
Science shows that if you can delay gratification, you will do much better in life. Not-OK addictions go for instant gratification, OK addictions encourage delayed gratification by requiring the effort first, then the pleasure payoff.
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Ok Addictions (Part C): Connect Pleasure and Purpose
A-B-C. Connect pleasure and purpose in the way nature intended: live long, strong and content. An OK addiction helps you connect pleasure and purpose by requiring effort before a pleasure pay-off. But the payoff is long-term and extends to all your life. Not-OK addictions have no worthwhile purpose.
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OK Addictions (Part B): Build Boundaries
Building Boundaries means that others can’t walk over you or lead you into areas you don’t want to go. It builds your character. An OK addiction helps you build good boundaries by having you say “no” to time-wasting and life-wasting and “yes” to some effort, skills and usefulness.
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OK Addictions (Part A): Accept Accountability & Take Responsibility
What’s an OK addiction? Something you love doing, almost addictively, that brings long-term contentment and builds character without emotional pain: playing a musical instrument, a special sport, a habitual hobby, an addictive art or an intense interest. In this four-part series we go from A to D of the features of OK addiction life stills.
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Do I have a real friendship?
During this Covid time, it’s great to have real friends. But many of us are finding that we don’t have as many friends as we would have liked; we’ve put time into other pursuits or life had become so busy that we’ve been living “past” our friends. Some people think they have 900+ friends (and counting). Others think they have only eight or ten. But how can you tell who is a real friend and who isn’t?
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3 Types of Control in Relationships
Do you have someone close who is controlling? Are you controlling? If so, here are some practical ways of moving from being a controller to being an encourager.
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Seven Love Types (Part 10): Legendary Lovers
As a bonus to The Seven Love Types, I want to present to you some legendary lovers: Romeo & Juliet, Tristan & Isolde, Noah & Allie and Abelard & Helöise.
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Seven Love Types (Part 9): Postlude and insights
In this, the penultimate post, we take a look at several practical insights now that we have journeyed through and are more familiar with the Seven Love Types.
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Seven Love Types (Part 8) LOVE #7: Mentorship (Guiding-love)
Not often thought about as a love-type, the relationship of mentor and mentee contains much love as knowledge, expertise and skills are shared and passed on.
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