5 Ways to Manage your BPD
As a psychiatrist who has worked extensively with people battling borderline, I’m here to level with you. It takes effort, usually a therapist, time and commitment. It’s worth it because you’re worth it. These six insights may help you on your journey towards stability.
1. Take responsibility, not blame
You’re not to blame for whatever happened in childhood. You didn’t choose BPD; it’s a problem. Borderline is not you, your real self wants to get well. Now, though, you need to take growing responsibility for your words, actions, and wellness to give yourself the best chance of success. That means treatment.
2. Borderline responds well to treatment
It isn’t fair that you need treatment, but you do. Depending on severity, wellness (studies show) may be only a year or two away. A therapist can let you know about your unique situation. Good treatments are available. You can be hopeful.
Your symptoms have to do with getting-on-with-others, so will your treatment, group or individual. Find a therapist. Build trust. Ask questions. Therapists specialising in BPD are good; they’re comfortable with people and strong emotions. You can be confident in this.
It takes effort for step-by-step progress. Have a workbook and make good notes. the insights you gain are gold. Capture them: write, learn, practice, research, and ask more questions.
3. Get on top of self-harm as soon as you can
People with BPD often resist letting go of self-harm – cutting, drugs, alcohol, risky sex – as though they’re losing an old friend (they are) or trying to do the impossible (at first it is). Sure, self-harm has benefits – tension and anger release, good feelings, punishment, calming anxiety, and so forth – but it’s got to go.
Why?
Because it reinforces “badness” and “deserving punishment” when you deserve wellness. Would you cut into your own cat? Wipe it out on drugs? No. Think. You deserve to be treated at least as well as your cat. Ponder this a lot. Eventually, by working with a therapist and processing emotions, you will feel it’s true. It is.
You make a decision somewhere every time you self-harm. That decision is a point of power. Find it. Look for alternatives, even if it means sitting in a chair for days until the urge go away (seriously). Like a giant wave, they will eventually go away.
Your self-harm deeply affects the people around you. If somebody loves you, cutting yourself is like cutting them. You don’t think this, but they feel it. They complain, you get angry, nobody understands me, you feel bad and cut some more.
It gets worse. Close people soon feel foolish for loving you. Children get anxious because they may lose you, parents get angry because they’re helpless, friends avoid you, and partners get anxious, frustrated and eventually leave. Why can’t you just respect what I have grown to love? You. At first, you won’t see it this way, but slowly, slowly, you will see what they see, a wonderful person who deserves love.
4. Find better coping mechanisms
These won’t feel as good as your current coping mechanisms, but they’ll be much better for you: walk, jog, exercise, set goals and make plans, draw, sing, listen to hard-hitting music, listen to beautiful music, garden, bake, cook, laugh with friends at a stand-up venue, paint, practice a musical instrument or a skill (juggling), write in your anger book, tear up phone books, pound mattresses, whatever. You’ll eventually feel good about conquering self-harm. Now THAT feels good. You won’t want to give up that feeling.
(Feeling better already?)
5. Working on BPD involves voluntary suffering
Taking responsibility is painful, as is seeing a therapist, giving up self-harm, finding alternatives, learning about yourself, facing the past, salvaging relationships, and accepting that life is not fair. Still. Voluntarily put up your hand for all this smaller suffering for a more fulfilling future, personal growth, and better relationships.
6. Remember: you are not the problem; borderline is the problem.
Deep inside you is the person you are without symptoms. That’s the real you; waiting to grow, develop, emerge, and share love. Take this person’s hand and together face the real problem.
You’re worth it.
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